Make the Rowdy Belly dressing: To a high-speed blender add all ingredients for the dressing. Blend until very smooth. Taste, and adjust seasoning as needed. Transfer to a container and place in the fridge until ready to use.
Prepare an ice bath and set aside.
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add broccoli florets and cabbage to the water. Let cook for 2 minutes, then remove from the water and transfer to the ice bath. Once veggies are cold, drain the ice bath and set aside.
Bring the pot of water back to a boil. Add soba noodles and cook according to package directions. Once cooked, drain noodles and run under cold water.
Transfer noodles to a large mixing bowl. Add sesame oil, tamari, and sesame seeds. Toss to coat.
Thinly slice the cooked cabbage and red bell pepper. Use a peeler to shave the carrot ribbons.
Divide noodles between bowls. Top each with broccoli, cabbage, carrots, jalapeno, cilantro, scallions, peanuts, mint, basil, and any other optional toppings you want.